21 07 2008

I wrote this about a week ago, and was sort of wary of posting it to Facebook, so I held onto it for a while. I decided that I’d post it with some minor edits. Women, if you read the first few paragraphs and think I’m just bitter and trying to hate on women, please calm down and read the rest of the note. I don’t really have much to be bitter about, and please don’t think that what I said about women is about any specific person. These are just general observations. I don’t think I’m any sort of expert on the subject of attraction, I’m just stating my opinion.

Anyway, here it is. Please try to refrain from crucifying me :)

I’m finding it quite interesting lately how women become attracted to men. I don’t know if it’s because of some primal urge that takes them over (as they often accuse men of), but it seems that all women, to some degree, are attracted to the same type of men. The athletic, confident, forceful, somewhat jerk-ish “perfect guy”. If there isn’t some sort of immediate, gut attraction to a guy, then there doesn’t seem to be much hope for him.

How is this any better than guys who they accuse of being attracted only by the physical aspects of a woman? They’re clearly attracted to a certain “something” that isn’t in any way derived by what type of person the person they’re attracted to is. It’s impulsive, lust-driven attraction that isn’t any nobler than the guy who points to that “hot piece of ass over there.” I’m not trying to justify guys here. It’s pretty terrible for a man to look at a woman as a sexual object for personal gratification. I’m just saying that women have a huge double-standard in this area and most (I believe) don’t realize it.

Oh, and one other phenomenon that amuses/appalls me: What is with the strange fascination that a large majority of the female population has with a select few male actors (Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, and Patrick Dempsey, to name a few). Ask any woman if she likes Johnny Depp, and 9 times out of 10 you’ll get a squeal and an answer like, “OMIGODYES JOHNNYDEPPIS SO HOTT! OH I WOULD SO MARRY HIM AND CARRY HIS BABIES!” It seems to me that guys don’t have this strange obsession with any two or three particular female actresses (or any two or three females in general). Why is that? (just throwing it out there)

Anyway, that’s women. And yes, I do realize that not all women are this way. Just a lot of them.

Men are just as bad, of course.

A lot of times it does seem as if looks are all that matter to men. Just listening to them talk sometimes you’d think that all that’s ever looked for in a woman is a pretty face and a hot body. All men need to see is a sexy photograph before they’ll be willing to marry and carry babies… er, have the woman carry their babies. Some guys will just see a woman for the first time, immediately ask her out, and (if the guy has the “right personality”) will be on a date with her in no time. Her personality does not matter. “Ugly” girls are this social taboo that you can’t be caught dead around. It doesn’t matter how braindead the “hot girl” is, the guy only wants her around to boost his confidence (take that however you like).

Where am I going with all this?

It seems that men and women are looking for something in the opposite sex that will satisfy them for a lifetime in marriage (granted, I’m only talking about people looking for a lifetime marriage, not to “get lucky” or have a fling). Women think that men’s confidence / bold attitude / manliness / romantic ways will keep her in love with and interested in him for the rest of their lives. Men seem to think that having a “hawt wife” to wake up to every morning and have hot sex with at night will be enough to satisfy them.

Men and women are both dead wrong, in my opinion. And my opinion is this:

Looks do not matter, and neither does one’s “confidence” (at least in dealing with long-term relationships). Even in personal experience, I’ve noticed that the first time I meet a woman, I may think she’s not very attractive. But that changes once I get to know the person. My deepening relationship with this person will actually change how I view them. I’ll see that person as prettier, more beautiful, whatever… and I’m sure it works the same with women and their specific attractions. It also works the other way around. I’ve seen girls who I thought were drop-dead gorgeous, and once I got to know them, that sort of faded away and I didn’t feel that attraction to them anymore. They became “just another face”. As my Social Behavior teacher, Professor Hennessey, said, “pretty wears off”.

What I think really matters here is the deepening, personal relationship between the two, and how they are relating to one another intellectually, spiritually, and emotionally. Now, if you’re doing all this and growing in these areas with this person, and the person STILL looks hideous to you (or seems “not manly enough” or whatever for women), then I guess my theory goes out the window. Or maybe not. I mean, I do realize that there needs to be at least SOME element of physical attraction there, but it may not always come immediately.

I guess my main point is that looks and physical attraction are not that important when compared to the intellectual, spiritual, and emotional connections that would bind the two together.

But, hey, what do I know? I could be completely wrong, I’ve never even had a girlfriend :)

(originally posted (6/6/08 )

It’s funny…

21 07 2008
“but nothing unifies like a common enemy
and we’ve got one, sure as hell
but he may be living in your house
he may be raising up your kids
he may be sleeping with your wife
oh no, he may not look like you think”
-Derek Webb, “A King and a Kingdom”

I really fail at practicing what I preach. This poor girl went to Vintage all alone, sat by herself, and no one talked to her. She looked so sad. Myself, being an incredibly nice guy, felt like someone should go and talk to her / make her feel welcome. So, I did what any other decent person would do and actually did: nothing. It’s not the first time, either. In the past few times I’ve gone to Vintage, the same thing has happened with two other people, both guys. They seemed to come by themselves, sat by themselves, wandered aimlessly around by themselves. Those times, I also did what any decent person would do: absolutely nothing. You’d think a guy who spent the better part of his life wishing he had friends and that people would talk to him would be more likely to go out of his way to be nice to people. Nope. I could’ve encouraged these people and shown them love, but I let my fear of rejection and my shyness take over, instead of not worrying about that stuff and doing what I should have.

“If this is all the love my spirit can give
There is not a reason more to live”
-Demon Hunter, “The Tide Began to Rise”

But you know what? How many other people (loving Christians) were there? I realize that I’m no better than they are for not doing anything, but I wonder, was I the only one who even noticed? Why is it that we can talk ’til we’re blue in the face about being loving to others, but can’t take enough time to break out of our stupid cliques and show love to someone who needs it? Do we (I) not have enough love? What can I do to get it? How can I get to the point where I don’t care about the consequences and will just do what I feel is right?

I’ve failed to make a difference in someone’s life. I could have shown God’s love, but stifled it. I could have said a kind word, but held it in. I could have been the hands and feet of Christ, but chose to stay little, insecure me.

What the hell is my problem?

“It’s funny how chemo wears you down.
It’s funny when the lame dog is put down.
It’s funny when it is taken out into the street and is shot.”
-Spitfire, “Chemo Therapist”

(originally written 6/4/08 )


21 07 2008
Right here.

Needs to stop thinking about juggling these incandescent thoughts.

Courage doesn’t become some people (and probably never will).

Postmodernism? Not exactly.

Use that grey matter your Heavenly Father blessed you with.

Push them away.

“Burn it down and walk away.”

Not much use in forcing it.

Repent of your bitter cynicism, it’s driving you into the ground.

Who is being addressed?

Keep being vague, nothing gets solved that way.

“Give us more desperation / isolation, because it works for me.”

Basket case.

Once a basket case, always a basket case?

It doesn’t make sense in the given context.

Walk in the room.

Turn on the charm.

Bask in the warm glow of adulation as the masses shift their attention in zero seconds flat.

Seeing oneself as a martyr can easily become the height of arrogance.

Just do as you feel led.

Dr. Weyandt’s words still haunt me.

Where is this all going?

Utter destruction?

Complete and total bliss?

A possible lifetime of isolation traded for what?

To conform and lose one’s heart / soul / spirit / passion, or forge a new path and be fed to the wolves?

Have you washed yourself in the rain? I ask as I wallow in my cesspool of filth.

We’re all hypocrites.

Do we really want what we say we desire?

Which one of you holds the ultimate truth?

Certainly it can’t be all of you.

I refuse to praise Him for saving *me* anymore.

It’s not about me.

If anyone is unworthy, it’s not the atheist, it’s not the Muslim, it’s not the Hindu, it’s not the Christian Scientist, it’s not the Satanist.

It’s me. (Is this the height of arrogance or humility?)

The hypocritical “Christian” who refused to see the good in other people.

I don’t care who you are.

You’re on this journey with me.

It’s not me against the world.

It’s not you against the world.

It’s not *us* against the world.

Stop pushing. Stop fighting it. Stop being desperate.

Stop seeing others as hopeless. Only then can we learn to love them.

Satan, the Devil, our “free will”, “The prince of the power of the air”, our sinful natures, our refusal to listen, our outright denial, our hatred, our self-righteousness, our condemning natures, our sickening pleasure at the retribution of the wicked, our failure to “repeat this prayer after me,” even our outright refusal of His forgiveness.

Which of these will stop the unlimited, unconditional, unfailing love of God?

The initial cynical rant has turned into praise to God. How did that happen?

God works in mysterious ways, friend :).

Lord, I praise and thank You for saving *us*.

(originally written 5/4/08 )


21 07 2008

A little hung up on the space cadets.

Motivation is left to the bats in aisle 6.

Run from the cowardly lion.

Get out of my head, you ballistic machete.

Stream-of-consciousness is for morons and pretentious fools.

No more of this.

How do I get rid of this feelingness?

Maybe some meaning will spontaneously erupt from the nonsensical musings of a lazy, apathetic couch (computer chair) monkey.

Battle the inane rebellion of nematodes.

“Existence, it’s no surprise.”

Prom night.

Unaware of how to make some aware.

“Self-pity is useless, I’ll not entertain your sickness.”

“These four walls have seen the worst of me, they’re bleeding confession, they’re weak at the knees.”


This is ridiculous.

Refrain from biting the children, please.

Corrupting the innocent?


Comforting the hurting?

What else can I do?

Awkward diary entry ftw.

But it goes on.

Have you stopped reading yet?

I have.

Get out of my visions.

Stop feeding me your lines, and I’ll stop being bitter.

Misrepresentation is not cool.

What is this about?

Your guess is as bad as mine.

Just face the wall and count your blessings.

Walk out of the room and into the sauna. It’s hot. Get out, quick, before your body gets all wrinkly.

“The very idea of beauty died so long ago…

But sometimes I catch a glimpse.”


It’s not worth repeating.

Spoonfed children, play nicely and don’t ask questions, it’s the same as biting the hand that feeds you. Keep your voices down, and we’ll keep satiating your hunger with our bilge. Your petty arguments amuse us. Please don’t deprive us of your forced innocence. Your ignorance is our bliss. Bring us joy. Please don’t ever grow up. Don’t leave the sandbox. Trying new things is dangerous. Yes, we know your Jack-In-The-Box longs to be free of his imprisonment, but he’s been confined there for a reason. If he does something other than the box allows, he will no longer be Jack and our comfortable expectancy will be duly offended.

Our boxes bring us comfort.

The writer will probably regret writing what is written.

(originally written 4/11/08 )

Heath Ledger

21 07 2008
Warning: rant time.

I’m so glad that I see people (especially certain Christians) responding so well to Heath Ledger’s tragic death. Gee, it must be sad for his family, but it serves to the world’s benefit that he’s gone now. One less heathen to defile our children’s minds with his HORRIBLE influence. He was in Brokeback Mountain, which supposedly (I’ve never seen the movie) extolled the values of homosexuality, and therefore deserves the eternal flames of Hell he is probably burning in.


But hey, as long as he finished his role in “The Dark Knight”, everyone’s happy, right? Don’t worry about the fact that he was a real person that was facing real problems and has a real family that’s mourning now. I’ll admit, I wondered about the status of the film, but it doesn’t make his death any less tragic now that we know the film was completed.

But then again, we as the public only knew him as an actor, so why feel sad about it? If we were sad about every person that died, we’d be crying all the time. Let’s all laugh and joke about how he was a ‘fag in that one movie’ and he ‘got aids in brokeback mountain’.


Rant done- these are the articles / message board threads that set me off:

(originally written 1/24/08- also, last link no longer works)

An “Expressive” Essay

21 07 2008
Written in ’04 for my English 101 class (the goal was to go off on a rant).
Please disregard it’s cheesiness.

Music: What’s Not to Like?

I’m sick and tired of people constantly bashing other people’s favorite styles of music. Music is a beautiful thing that should be appreciated in all its forms, not just one particular style favored by some self-righteous jerk who thinks all other styles of music should perish from the earth. When it comes right down to it, I could insult all forms of music just to prove to all you buffoons who think you own the best musical style that no genre is better than another; it’s all a matter of personal taste. In fact, I think I will do that.

Let’s start with pop music. Pop – in all it’s repetitive, overplayed glory – is a sickening thing sometimes. I mean, how many times do we have to hear “I love you, baby” by countless different pop groups? It’s basically the same words with slightly different tunes. Create something original, for goodness’ sake

Next up is rap music; or, as many like to refer to it, “crap without the ‘c.’” Sometimes I feel like if I hear one more rapper talk about his “hos” and how much “bling” he has, I’m going to puke. I wonder who came up with the idea that people talking over computer-generated beats would be musically relevant?

The next style of music I would like to discuss is hardcore. Who wants to listen to some guy scream his lungs out on top of music that sounds like the band is bashing their heads against their instruments? Listening to this kind of music is like saying “I hope I get a migraine today.”

Some bands have even combined the last two musical styles reviewed into a new genre called “rapcore.” Why would anyone want to combine these horrible “art forms?” Rapcore is more groan-inducing than either of its respective counterparts.

Even worse than hardcore is heavy (80’s) metal. High pitched wailing is bad enough coming from a woman, but do I really need to hear it from some guy who wears tons of make-up and has hair two feet long? The self-indulgent guitar solos also annoy, as they often go on for minutes and are just an excuse for the guitarist to say to himself, “Hey, look at me I’m an amazing guitar player ”

Punk rock is a genre of music where every song sounds nearly identical. Bands play at lightning-fast speeds and the lyrics are barely intelligible. This is truly a style of music for people who don’t like to think too hard.

Classical music: can you say “boring beyond belief?” Listening to this is like taking a box of sleeping pills all at once. It simply cannot hold a normal person’s interest for long.

A similar argument holds for opera music, except opera has one added quality: opera singers. The music puts you to sleep while the often ear-splitting vocals grate on your nerves. This isn’t exactly a pleasant experience, to say the least.

“Incredibly annoying” is one way to describe techno. Repeated phrases and constantly pulsating beats that would disrupt your grandpa’s pacemaker. Someone could experience seizures after listening to this too long.

I’ve got two words for emo bands: quit whining Off-key singers complain about their poor broken hearts while the band plays off-kilter music. Find something else to sing about

Jazz is a style of music that is often upbeat, but always monotonous. The band plays the same rhythm for the whole song while every band member takes their turn at improvising. It gets old very quickly.

Country music is some of the most unintelligent music known to man. Every song sounds the same and you can barely tell one singer from another. Not only that, the music is so simple that it barely qualifies as requiring talent.

Gothic rock is just plain strange music to listen to. Whether it’s over-the-top cheesy or frighteningly disturbing, its not worth wasting your valuable time indulging in it. Who wants to give themselves nightmares and be serious and depressed while listening to music?

I could go on for pages insulting every genre of music known to man. The truth is, I enjoy each of these styles of music to a certain extent (and degrading some of them was a very painful experience for me). All of you music elitists should stop pretending that you’re better than everyone else and start opening your minds to new forms of music.