Attraction

21 07 2008

I wrote this about a week ago, and was sort of wary of posting it to Facebook, so I held onto it for a while. I decided that I’d post it with some minor edits. Women, if you read the first few paragraphs and think I’m just bitter and trying to hate on women, please calm down and read the rest of the note. I don’t really have much to be bitter about, and please don’t think that what I said about women is about any specific person. These are just general observations. I don’t think I’m any sort of expert on the subject of attraction, I’m just stating my opinion.

Anyway, here it is. Please try to refrain from crucifying me :)

I’m finding it quite interesting lately how women become attracted to men. I don’t know if it’s because of some primal urge that takes them over (as they often accuse men of), but it seems that all women, to some degree, are attracted to the same type of men. The athletic, confident, forceful, somewhat jerk-ish “perfect guy”. If there isn’t some sort of immediate, gut attraction to a guy, then there doesn’t seem to be much hope for him.

How is this any better than guys who they accuse of being attracted only by the physical aspects of a woman? They’re clearly attracted to a certain “something” that isn’t in any way derived by what type of person the person they’re attracted to is. It’s impulsive, lust-driven attraction that isn’t any nobler than the guy who points to that “hot piece of ass over there.” I’m not trying to justify guys here. It’s pretty terrible for a man to look at a woman as a sexual object for personal gratification. I’m just saying that women have a huge double-standard in this area and most (I believe) don’t realize it.

Oh, and one other phenomenon that amuses/appalls me: What is with the strange fascination that a large majority of the female population has with a select few male actors (Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, and Patrick Dempsey, to name a few). Ask any woman if she likes Johnny Depp, and 9 times out of 10 you’ll get a squeal and an answer like, “OMIGODYES JOHNNYDEPPIS SO HOTT! OH I WOULD SO MARRY HIM AND CARRY HIS BABIES!” It seems to me that guys don’t have this strange obsession with any two or three particular female actresses (or any two or three females in general). Why is that? (just throwing it out there)

Anyway, that’s women. And yes, I do realize that not all women are this way. Just a lot of them.

Men are just as bad, of course.

A lot of times it does seem as if looks are all that matter to men. Just listening to them talk sometimes you’d think that all that’s ever looked for in a woman is a pretty face and a hot body. All men need to see is a sexy photograph before they’ll be willing to marry and carry babies… er, have the woman carry their babies. Some guys will just see a woman for the first time, immediately ask her out, and (if the guy has the “right personality”) will be on a date with her in no time. Her personality does not matter. “Ugly” girls are this social taboo that you can’t be caught dead around. It doesn’t matter how braindead the “hot girl” is, the guy only wants her around to boost his confidence (take that however you like).

Where am I going with all this?

It seems that men and women are looking for something in the opposite sex that will satisfy them for a lifetime in marriage (granted, I’m only talking about people looking for a lifetime marriage, not to “get lucky” or have a fling). Women think that men’s confidence / bold attitude / manliness / romantic ways will keep her in love with and interested in him for the rest of their lives. Men seem to think that having a “hawt wife” to wake up to every morning and have hot sex with at night will be enough to satisfy them.

Men and women are both dead wrong, in my opinion. And my opinion is this:

Looks do not matter, and neither does one’s “confidence” (at least in dealing with long-term relationships). Even in personal experience, I’ve noticed that the first time I meet a woman, I may think she’s not very attractive. But that changes once I get to know the person. My deepening relationship with this person will actually change how I view them. I’ll see that person as prettier, more beautiful, whatever… and I’m sure it works the same with women and their specific attractions. It also works the other way around. I’ve seen girls who I thought were drop-dead gorgeous, and once I got to know them, that sort of faded away and I didn’t feel that attraction to them anymore. They became “just another face”. As my Social Behavior teacher, Professor Hennessey, said, “pretty wears off”.

What I think really matters here is the deepening, personal relationship between the two, and how they are relating to one another intellectually, spiritually, and emotionally. Now, if you’re doing all this and growing in these areas with this person, and the person STILL looks hideous to you (or seems “not manly enough” or whatever for women), then I guess my theory goes out the window. Or maybe not. I mean, I do realize that there needs to be at least SOME element of physical attraction there, but it may not always come immediately.

I guess my main point is that looks and physical attraction are not that important when compared to the intellectual, spiritual, and emotional connections that would bind the two together.

But, hey, what do I know? I could be completely wrong, I’ve never even had a girlfriend :)

(originally posted (6/6/08 )

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One response

25 10 2008
Stell

Hey,

I liked the honesty of this blog.

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